Social media posts reveal a growing trend of women seeking fellow mothers to share housing and the responsibilities of child-rearing.
Amid rising divorce rates and a sharp bite from the cost of living, single mothers in China are seeking an unconventional kind of partner: one another.
Online platforms are increasingly hosting posts from stressed mothers searching for compatible parents to cohabitate and divide child-rearing duties.
“I’m hoping to find another single mom to share an apartment with, so we can take care of each other,” reads one popular post on Xiaohongshu, a platform known internationally as Rednote. “If our children are around the same age, that would be even better – they can be companions. Those raising kids alone know how tough it is; sometimes you’re so busy you barely have time to eat.”
While no specific data tracks the trend, scholars confirm they have observed this informal support network expanding visibly online, encompassing both posts seeking housemates and wider discussions offering advice to women considering such a move.
China has an estimated 30 million single mothers. The divorce rate is roughly four times what it was two decades ago, despite government interventions to discourage it, and mothers retain custody in over 80% of family separations. And despite legal child support obligations, a significant portion of single-mother families in top-tier cities live below the poverty line, according to government figures.
Zhu Danyu and Fei Yuan, both single mothers, have shared a home in Nanjing since 2022.
“At the core, we both know very clearly why we’re together – it’s about sharing and managing the risks and pressures of life,” Zhu tells the Guardian.
The two first connected when Zhu was seeking collaborators for her education start-up. Both divorced, Zhu had two daughters and Fei had one. The two families quickly bonded.
“I was deeply impressed by the way she raised her daughter,” Zhu says of Fei. “At that time, my own two daughters were struggling both academically and emotionally after my divorce.”
The families began spending more and more time together, with Zhu and her daughters staying over to help when Fei’s child was sick during Covid lockdowns, until they eventually decided to make the arrangement more permanent.
“Over time, we realised that we shared similar values and got along really well,” says Fei. “Our personalities also complement each other. I’m more detail-oriented and love keeping things tidy, but I can’t cook. Really, I just can’t. Danyu, on the other hand, is a great cook and loves making meals for the kids.”
They now operate a joint household and business from their Nanjing home. The families spend weekends together, the girls do their homework side-by-side in the evenings, and the two mothers share caring duties, which is particularly helpful as Zhu frequently travels for work.
The women, having discussed their arrangement in Chinese media, are accustomed to online rumors and snide remarks about their relationship, but they note their friends and families are supportive.
“What matters to us is whether our children are happy, healthy and doing well in school, and whether our business is growing steadily,” says Zhu.
Dr Ye Liu, an expert in international development at King’s College London, says “single mothers across all social strata struggle financially,” a situation exacerbated by a lack of state welfare for single parents and insufficient support from kin.
“This financial precarity, intensified by rising inflation and the cost of living, is the likely driving force behind mothers seeking informal support via personal advertisements.”
Double the Love
Traditional family values remain deeply entrenched in China, especially in rural areas, where young divorced women face intense pressure to remarry. Elders in many families disapprove of a woman raising a child alone.
Jiang Mengyue, 31, was determined not to remarry after her divorce, instead choosing to leave her home town in Guizhou province with her daughter, now three.
She replied to a social media post and moved in with Shi Mengyue; the two families have lived together for two months so far. Their daily routine is structured. Jiang cares for both girls at home while Shi works as a professional date matchmaker. On weekends, when the weather is nice, they take the girls out together or go for bike rides.
“Since there’s no personal interest or benefit involved, this kind of relationship feels purer and simpler than marriage,” says Jiang.
Negative social sentiment about divorce and single mothers is evolving, says Liu, aided in part by the 2024 hit movie Her Story. Yet structural issues remain, and the informal nature of these flat-sharing arrangements means the women lack legal protections.
“This current reliance on ad-hoc, digitally organised support highlights a major failure in the state’s welfare provision for safeguarding children and supporting parents,” Liu says.
And the model isn’t foolproof—online forums mention arrangements collapsing after children failed to get along, or when financial imbalances created friction. But for those who have found equilibrium, they insist the primary beneficiaries are the kids.
“When our families came together, the house suddenly became full of life: three little girls running around, laughing all the time,” says Fei.
“Through spending time together, all three have become more outgoing and confident. That’s the first big change I’ve noticed. The second is that they’re now surrounded by double the love.”
